I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
