Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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