I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
