Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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