tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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