i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize