you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
