I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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