I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
organizing the empties. That sober.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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