I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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