well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My ass is underappreciated
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize