do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
