Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
