This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize