This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
