I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize