I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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