So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
