I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
