Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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