Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
