last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
