At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
