i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
