Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
