Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
