i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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