Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
