alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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