I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize