the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
