see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
