community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I party with great urgency now.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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