You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
