i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
