Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
