apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
