I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
