Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize