Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize