She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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