Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Randomize
