My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
