Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
