dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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