im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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