im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize