He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Are we still banned from the library?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize