So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
