So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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