I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
