I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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