i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
