Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
So many bounce houses so little time
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
