please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
