he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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