shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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