guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
