i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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