Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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