I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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