Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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