either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
His nipple licking is glorious
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