I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
babies were throwing up all over the place
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
