please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
