I just pynch a tree in the face
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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