He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
