I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
