Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
