I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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