I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
