i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
