i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
