why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
