We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Oh god it's open bar.
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