remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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