she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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