Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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