It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
