I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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