I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
