there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize