i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
