I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
