the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Randomize
