So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
