tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
