I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
