Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
