I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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