I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
So many bounce houses so little time
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
