Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
