All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
