seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
