my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
