I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
