nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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