even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
