Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
