I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
