Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Randomize
